I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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