please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
