She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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