apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
