i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
