Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
