I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
