there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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