Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
