Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
