I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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