? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
