Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
