if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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