if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
