I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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