I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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