i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
