dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
