i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize