I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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