community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
