You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
