super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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