The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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