i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
