her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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