Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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