im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
