So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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