I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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