dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize