You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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