i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
