now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
wow bdsm is so cute
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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