my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
