He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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