I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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