smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Come on in and take your pants off
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