I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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