dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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