Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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