You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize