It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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