im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
