You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
