i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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