Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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