I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
