That's intense
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
