Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize