I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
