i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
