Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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