watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
