My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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