A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
