Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's great music for shaving your balls
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
