Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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