i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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