so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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