Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize