just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
