JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
