Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
