UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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