we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
